Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
