Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
