I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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