I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
