Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
