He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
