i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
