He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
