i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize