I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
