There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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