tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
