I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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