do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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