You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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