Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
