I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
