Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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