I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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