All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
