I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
