You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
