So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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