Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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