There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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