We won't sleep together?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
