I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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