I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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