Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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