I think im going to throw up on grandma
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
