If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize