Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This baby is an asshole
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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