I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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