Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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