Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
