Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
