the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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