atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
