im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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