i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
