drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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