haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
