Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
