waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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