She's JV to your varsity
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
