I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
