I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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