wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
