and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
