he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
