My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
