it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
