my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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