Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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