Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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