So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
