I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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