Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
