I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
