cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
