I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize