Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
