wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize