Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
