Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize