something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
