The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
