I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dick very happy bro
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