The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
