I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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