as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
