just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
