so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
