Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
